Social Retardation

Picture this: you're out with your friends and you're having a good time until suddenly, you spot another friend of yours (who is unknown to the group you are hanging out with at the moment) and reluctantly lock eyes with him/her. Suddenly you find yourself propelled into a conundrum of meaningless verbal exchange, often accompanied by air kissing and/or fitful hugging, as if to relieve each other of hazelnuts stuck in your throats by slapping each other on the back. And then the lovely pleasantries ensue:

"Oh my gosh, (your name)? Is that you?"

"(His/her name)? HI!"

*Delighted squeals* *Dramatized enthusiasm*

"HOW ARE YOU?!"

"I'M AWESOME! HOW ARE YOU!"

"OMIGOD! I'M TOTALLY RAD!"

Then you realise just how unenthusiastic you really are to see this person because you actually had to stoop to the level of expressing yourself with "totally rad". And yet, you can't really do much except keep on the "I give a ****" facade. Eventually, it all becomes too much and your face contorts into a gargoyle-like image before finally cracking under the pressure. Kind of like this guy:

(Kudos to Sheldon Cooper)

Needless to say, this exhausting drama is enough to make you vow to stay at home forever and turn into the next Miss Havisham. At least living in a wedding dress is more inviting than having your face cracked.

Note to self: Next time I go out, I must carry an emergency sandwich bag for taking care of unprecedented stomach roller coasters, disposing garbage to remain green, and, of course, covering my face in case I get launched into a situation as illustrated above. Caution: the sandwich bag may only be used for one purpose at a time, otherwise, things could get slightly... messy.