NO! 55% OFF! COME TO US!
NO NO NO! 75% OFF! COME! COOOME!
(Terms and Conditions Apply)
We're all quite familiar with these slogans. They're what make us go nuts and and bat-shiz-crazy when we go out shopping. Men, you do it too, though not necessarily for the same stores. What makes us behave this way? After going into countless shops advertising "BIG SALES" on large red posters only to find that their ideas of sales are raising prices and then slashing them down to original prices, we walk out empty-handed and STILL enter another pointless flashy sale. WHY does it not get into our thick, massive skulls that SALES. ARE. BULL. They're fakes!
Middle Eastern Chick will provide you with an analogy: The Lady In Red. Who is she? Let Middle Eastern Chick tell you. She is that mysteriously sexy, red-clad woman that will turn heads wherever she goes. She is the woman who can seduce a man without even trying. She is the woman who can tame a man by glaring at him. She is the woman who can turn a man into putty by giving him a smoldering look. SHE is the woman that every other woman wants to be. Now, what do sales and the Lady In Red have in common? Hmm... let's see...
Oh! Middle Eastern Chick knows! Is it their flashy red exterior? Well, that's one thing, but it's not the main thing. Okay, is it their cheap exterior? That was a low blow... but let's let that one slide. Okay, is it their ability to attract attention come rain, storm, snow, hail or even friggin' lava? Hmm... close. Is it their ability to attract and then ruthlessly put people down? Huh... maybe. Or is it the fact that they're all red hot on the outside but downright trashy on the inside? Yeah, we like that one.
In fact, it's all of them. The Lady In Red is known to symbolize temptation, and SALES are pretty much the epitome of temptation for a shopper. Too bad they're both just flashy exteriors and rubbish interiors. Let Middle Eastern Chick explain, using one more example, how a SALE is like a Lady In Red. Okay, a SALE will draw you in, giving you unreasonable expectations, quickly giving you a high and leaving you waiting for that perfect buy; but, in the end, you get crushed, realising that all the stuff on sale is pure trash and you walk out empty handed. A Lady In Red, similarly, will ignite your interest (especially for men, unless she- or you- happens to bat for the other team), draw you in and entrance you with her flawless looks and mysterious nature. Just when you're hoping for a little bit more, checking your breath and quickly flashing your teeth on the back of a spoon, she gives you a devilish smile and walks away. There you are, standing like a moron, still checking your teeth on the back of a spoon, only to look up and realise that you're standing alone in the middle of nowhere, possibly even with your wallet missing (if you happen to be really unlucky... and stupid).
So there you have it, SALES are the Ladies in Red of retail. You best watch out... otherwise someday, one of these teases might just take you for a ride that you'll never forget and forgive yourself for. Like the day Middle Eastern Chick bought a dress on "sale" that was probably more expensive than her whole wardrobe put together.
She kids, she kids. It was a skirt.
MEChick is going to go ahead and use a picture that says "Shutterstock" all over it, because she's just bad-ass like that. Total rebel.
