Aug 15, 2012
Tweet Away! #MiddleEastQuirks
Got something to share about the Middle East? Tweet it with a #MiddleEastQuirks hashtag! Let's see what people have got to say about the idiosyncrasies of the Middle East!
Jump to It! HOP HOP HOP TO IT!
Well well well... it looks like Middle Eastern Chick let school and Dubai get the best of her and failed to update her blog for one whole year! How about we let this one slide and call it quits? After all, she has been working on a brand new project that will keep you all busy reading for a while! Middle Eastern Chick is currently compiling her best stories for all you budding readers to enjoy. These stories should be out in a couple of months, so let's keep our fingers crossed and hope that she can maintain a schedule for once in her life.
Other than her shameful disregard for her readers, Middle Eastern Chick has spent most of her time people watching this summer. No, no hot European boys this year (this must be punishment for not writing...). She did, however, manage to learn a thing or two about people in her own city of residence. For example, when one approaches the age of 18 (like MEChick), one sees no age boundaries to who one finds attractive. Does that happen to you too? No...? Okay... just MEChick then...
Well, what she means to say is that her hormones have been raging like crazy and she's gone as far as to look at twenty-four year olds as potential "candidates", if you know what she means? *wink wink* Actually, no you don't know what she means. People jump to conclusions much too quickly around here (that's the second thing she learned, but she'll come to that later) so let's make it clear that she was hinting at dating and nothing more.
About people jumping to conclusions... she CANNOT have been the only person to notice this! People out here really do jump to conclusions over the smallest issues! The best popular example that she can think of is the famous Facbook group named so aptly:
"Bro she liked your picture. Wallah she wants you!"
This jumping to conclusions business is definitely not restricted to the love and lust department.
"She/He hasn't been home for an hour! Where is my baby?! WALLAH SHE/HE MUST BE DYING ON THE ROAD! OR GETTING RAPED!" All teenagers and young adults can relate to this perfectly.
"She has the same purse as I do. WALLAH SHE'S TRYING TO RUIN ME!"
"He goes to the same cafe as I go to. WALLAH HE WANTS ME TO GET HIM A JOB!"
"They both didn't turn up for today's dinner-out? WALLAH THEY'RE DOING THE HANKY PANKY!"
"She didn't sit next to her husband? WALLAH THEY MUST BE HAVING A FIGHT!"
"He looked at me when I passed him? WALLAH HE WANTS ME!"
Alright, Middle Eastern Chick will admit that the last one was definitely her. Damn all this jumping-to-conclusions business! It's harshin' her mellow.
Other than her shameful disregard for her readers, Middle Eastern Chick has spent most of her time people watching this summer. No, no hot European boys this year (this must be punishment for not writing...). She did, however, manage to learn a thing or two about people in her own city of residence. For example, when one approaches the age of 18 (like MEChick), one sees no age boundaries to who one finds attractive. Does that happen to you too? No...? Okay... just MEChick then...
Well, what she means to say is that her hormones have been raging like crazy and she's gone as far as to look at twenty-four year olds as potential "candidates", if you know what she means? *wink wink* Actually, no you don't know what she means. People jump to conclusions much too quickly around here (that's the second thing she learned, but she'll come to that later) so let's make it clear that she was hinting at dating and nothing more.
About people jumping to conclusions... she CANNOT have been the only person to notice this! People out here really do jump to conclusions over the smallest issues! The best popular example that she can think of is the famous Facbook group named so aptly:
"Bro she liked your picture. Wallah she wants you!"
This jumping to conclusions business is definitely not restricted to the love and lust department.
"She/He hasn't been home for an hour! Where is my baby?! WALLAH SHE/HE MUST BE DYING ON THE ROAD! OR GETTING RAPED!" All teenagers and young adults can relate to this perfectly.
"She has the same purse as I do. WALLAH SHE'S TRYING TO RUIN ME!"
"He goes to the same cafe as I go to. WALLAH HE WANTS ME TO GET HIM A JOB!"
"They both didn't turn up for today's dinner-out? WALLAH THEY'RE DOING THE HANKY PANKY!"
"She didn't sit next to her husband? WALLAH THEY MUST BE HAVING A FIGHT!"
"He looked at me when I passed him? WALLAH HE WANTS ME!"
Alright, Middle Eastern Chick will admit that the last one was definitely her. Damn all this jumping-to-conclusions business! It's harshin' her mellow.
Aug 7, 2011
Europa!
Well, it's been a while hasn't it?
Middle Eastern Chick has been away... IN EUROPE! Well, she's back to the good ol' Middle East now, but the whole month of July was spent in green lands with perfect weather, quite a world away from the hot deserts of home.
Austria, Spain and Italy were the main destinations. Oh, and seven days on a cruise ship. Sounds brilliant doesn't it?! Not to mention the ridiculous over-load of eye-candy as well. You knew it was coming, didn't you? Don't worry, all Middle Eastern Chick's girlfriends ask the same question: "Were the guys hot?" And frankly, who wouldn't want to know? It's true! Middle Eastern Chick can vividly recall walking down the bustling street of Las Ramblas in Barcelona as if it were a sea of pure eye-candy. One or two guys even made her swoon. No kidding. Of course, she had to swoon discreetly.
Apart from the sizzling levels of hotness, there were quite a few other attractions. You know, secondary ones, like the Colosseum, the Vatican City, St. Peter's Basilica, the Sistine Chapel and what-not. I kid, I kid! The history of all the countries visited was to die for. Every street we walked and every corner we turned, there was a new story to be told. Sometimes it just got quite unbelievable. Like, this one time, Middle Eastern Chick was walking with her tour-group in Rome when the guide randomly pointed to a construction site and told us that the city planned to build an extension to the metro line there. However, once they started excavating for the project, they ran into Roman ruins. Yup, just like that... we want metro, but we found Roman ruins. No big deal.
Now, let me get onto the important bit: the Cruise ship. DAMN. I WANT TO LIVE ON ONE FOREVER! If you haven't been on a cruise ship yet, Middle Eastern Chick STRONGLY recommends it! It was flippin' brilliant! There were 18 decks that housed pretty much everything, from casinos, restaurants, cinemas, comedy clubs, nightclubs and amphitheaters, to a water park (with slides and all), rock-climbing wall, spa, gym, basketball court, running track, pools, bars and social clubs. Basically, one could never get bored. AT ALL. The only time Middle Eastern Chick wasn't on deck was when she needed a little shut-eye in her cabin (which was FANTASTIC! It was tiny, but it was five-star tiny) or when she was out and about in the city when the ship was docked. Otherwise, she was always out on deck with her new friends (yes, there was a teens social club too. It was called Entourage), doing all sorts of crazy stuff, or dancing late into the night at the various parties the ship had.
Oh, and did she mention FREE FOOD? That's right. It's one a.m, you feel hungry? No problem! Head off to a restaurant that's still open and serving and order all the food you want, no charge. It was chocolate brownie sundae HEAVEN. 'Nuff said.
The only downside that Middle Eastern Chick can think of is the obvious withdrawal that one would experience after such an epic get-away. Imagine landing back in Dubai, getting hit square in the face by a blast of sickly moist warmth and realising that you have to start paying for your food again. What a ripper. But hey, it's always good to be back, innit? ...Kind of.
Middle Eastern Chick has been away... IN EUROPE! Well, she's back to the good ol' Middle East now, but the whole month of July was spent in green lands with perfect weather, quite a world away from the hot deserts of home.
Austria, Spain and Italy were the main destinations. Oh, and seven days on a cruise ship. Sounds brilliant doesn't it?! Not to mention the ridiculous over-load of eye-candy as well. You knew it was coming, didn't you? Don't worry, all Middle Eastern Chick's girlfriends ask the same question: "Were the guys hot?" And frankly, who wouldn't want to know? It's true! Middle Eastern Chick can vividly recall walking down the bustling street of Las Ramblas in Barcelona as if it were a sea of pure eye-candy. One or two guys even made her swoon. No kidding. Of course, she had to swoon discreetly.
Apart from the sizzling levels of hotness, there were quite a few other attractions. You know, secondary ones, like the Colosseum, the Vatican City, St. Peter's Basilica, the Sistine Chapel and what-not. I kid, I kid! The history of all the countries visited was to die for. Every street we walked and every corner we turned, there was a new story to be told. Sometimes it just got quite unbelievable. Like, this one time, Middle Eastern Chick was walking with her tour-group in Rome when the guide randomly pointed to a construction site and told us that the city planned to build an extension to the metro line there. However, once they started excavating for the project, they ran into Roman ruins. Yup, just like that... we want metro, but we found Roman ruins. No big deal.
Now, let me get onto the important bit: the Cruise ship. DAMN. I WANT TO LIVE ON ONE FOREVER! If you haven't been on a cruise ship yet, Middle Eastern Chick STRONGLY recommends it! It was flippin' brilliant! There were 18 decks that housed pretty much everything, from casinos, restaurants, cinemas, comedy clubs, nightclubs and amphitheaters, to a water park (with slides and all), rock-climbing wall, spa, gym, basketball court, running track, pools, bars and social clubs. Basically, one could never get bored. AT ALL. The only time Middle Eastern Chick wasn't on deck was when she needed a little shut-eye in her cabin (which was FANTASTIC! It was tiny, but it was five-star tiny) or when she was out and about in the city when the ship was docked. Otherwise, she was always out on deck with her new friends (yes, there was a teens social club too. It was called Entourage), doing all sorts of crazy stuff, or dancing late into the night at the various parties the ship had.
Oh, and did she mention FREE FOOD? That's right. It's one a.m, you feel hungry? No problem! Head off to a restaurant that's still open and serving and order all the food you want, no charge. It was chocolate brownie sundae HEAVEN. 'Nuff said.
The only downside that Middle Eastern Chick can think of is the obvious withdrawal that one would experience after such an epic get-away. Imagine landing back in Dubai, getting hit square in the face by a blast of sickly moist warmth and realising that you have to start paying for your food again. What a ripper. But hey, it's always good to be back, innit? ...Kind of.
Jun 30, 2011
SALES are the Lady In Red of Retail.
50% OFF! COME BUY FROM US!
NO! 55% OFF! COME TO US!
NO NO NO! 75% OFF! COME! COOOME!
(Terms and Conditions Apply)
We're all quite familiar with these slogans. They're what make us go nuts and and bat-shiz-crazy when we go out shopping. Men, you do it too, though not necessarily for the same stores. What makes us behave this way? After going into countless shops advertising "BIG SALES" on large red posters only to find that their ideas of sales are raising prices and then slashing them down to original prices, we walk out empty-handed and STILL enter another pointless flashy sale. WHY does it not get into our thick, massive skulls that SALES. ARE. BULL. They're fakes!
Middle Eastern Chick will provide you with an analogy: The Lady In Red. Who is she? Let Middle Eastern Chick tell you. She is that mysteriously sexy, red-clad woman that will turn heads wherever she goes. She is the woman who can seduce a man without even trying. She is the woman who can tame a man by glaring at him. She is the woman who can turn a man into putty by giving him a smoldering look. SHE is the woman that every other woman wants to be. Now, what do sales and the Lady In Red have in common? Hmm... let's see...
Oh! Middle Eastern Chick knows! Is it their flashy red exterior? Well, that's one thing, but it's not the main thing. Okay, is it their cheap exterior? That was a low blow... but let's let that one slide. Okay, is it their ability to attract attention come rain, storm, snow, hail or even friggin' lava? Hmm... close. Is it their ability to attract and then ruthlessly put people down? Huh... maybe. Or is it the fact that they're all red hot on the outside but downright trashy on the inside? Yeah, we like that one.
In fact, it's all of them. The Lady In Red is known to symbolize temptation, and SALES are pretty much the epitome of temptation for a shopper. Too bad they're both just flashy exteriors and rubbish interiors. Let Middle Eastern Chick explain, using one more example, how a SALE is like a Lady In Red. Okay, a SALE will draw you in, giving you unreasonable expectations, quickly giving you a high and leaving you waiting for that perfect buy; but, in the end, you get crushed, realising that all the stuff on sale is pure trash and you walk out empty handed. A Lady In Red, similarly, will ignite your interest (especially for men, unless she- or you- happens to bat for the other team), draw you in and entrance you with her flawless looks and mysterious nature. Just when you're hoping for a little bit more, checking your breath and quickly flashing your teeth on the back of a spoon, she gives you a devilish smile and walks away. There you are, standing like a moron, still checking your teeth on the back of a spoon, only to look up and realise that you're standing alone in the middle of nowhere, possibly even with your wallet missing (if you happen to be really unlucky... and stupid).
So there you have it, SALES are the Ladies in Red of retail. You best watch out... otherwise someday, one of these teases might just take you for a ride that you'll never forget and forgive yourself for. Like the day Middle Eastern Chick bought a dress on "sale" that was probably more expensive than her whole wardrobe put together.
She kids, she kids. It was a skirt.
MEChick is going to go ahead and use a picture that says "Shutterstock" all over it, because she's just bad-ass like that. Total rebel.
Jun 24, 2011
Goin' All Yogi On The World
So, Middle Eastern Chick has been doing something quite different from her usual pass-times... she has been taking yoga classes. No no, not the sort of yoga that involves stuff like Downward Dog, Cat Pose, Mountain Pose and all that... It's the sort that involves sitting in one place for hours and breathing. That's it. Just breathing. Even writing it makes Middle Eastern Chick all jittery... She likes movement. She likes adventure. She. Wants. ACTION.
So, sitting in one place and just breathing isn't exactly her cup of tea. Or so she thought. Turns out this breathing stuff is actually pretty useful. Being a bit of a skeptic when it comes to stuff like meditation, Middle Eastern Chick started this program more for the raw-food detox that it provided (hey, every girl wants to lose just a little more weight...) However, after meditating for a while, Middle Eastern Chick realised that, hey, maybe this stuff ain't so bad after all! Sure, she hasn't experienced full-on Nirvana or anything of that sort... but the peace and quiet that comes from meditation sure gives some time for thought. Some serious, deep, soulful and life-altering though.
Eyes closed. Body relaxed. Here's what goes through Middle Eastern Chick's mind:
Okay. Here I am. This position is weird. Shh! I need to relax. Just relax. Yes... Let go... Think nothing... Leave my body... Shhhhhh....
...
Just kidding. I'm still here. Am I doing this right?
My watch is ticking too loudly. It needs to shut up. Or maybe it could hypnotize me. Yeah! Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... wait, am I at 13 or 14? Oh screw it.
...
When is this getting over?
...
I'm hungry. I want a sandwich. A Joey Tribbiani sandwich. With salami and mustard... Oh wait, I'm not supposed to eat meat. So, no salami. What the heck is a salami buddy? Mental note: ask mom what a salami buddy is.
...
Okay, I lost myself for a minute. Was that it? Did I just PROPERLY meditate? *Mental squeal* Cool!
...
I really need to stop. Okay. Focus. Breeeeeathhhee..... Slowwlyyy.... Innn... Ouuutt.... Iiiiinnnnn.... Ouuuutttt....
Okay, the thoughts are usually deeper than this. Honestly. No really. Valuable lesson learned: Don't meditate while you're hungry. Salami will haunt your Nirvana and harsh your mellow.
So, sitting in one place and just breathing isn't exactly her cup of tea. Or so she thought. Turns out this breathing stuff is actually pretty useful. Being a bit of a skeptic when it comes to stuff like meditation, Middle Eastern Chick started this program more for the raw-food detox that it provided (hey, every girl wants to lose just a little more weight...) However, after meditating for a while, Middle Eastern Chick realised that, hey, maybe this stuff ain't so bad after all! Sure, she hasn't experienced full-on Nirvana or anything of that sort... but the peace and quiet that comes from meditation sure gives some time for thought. Some serious, deep, soulful and life-altering though.
Eyes closed. Body relaxed. Here's what goes through Middle Eastern Chick's mind:
Okay. Here I am. This position is weird. Shh! I need to relax. Just relax. Yes... Let go... Think nothing... Leave my body... Shhhhhh....
...
Just kidding. I'm still here. Am I doing this right?
My watch is ticking too loudly. It needs to shut up. Or maybe it could hypnotize me. Yeah! Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13... wait, am I at 13 or 14? Oh screw it.
...
When is this getting over?
...
I'm hungry. I want a sandwich. A Joey Tribbiani sandwich. With salami and mustard... Oh wait, I'm not supposed to eat meat. So, no salami. What the heck is a salami buddy? Mental note: ask mom what a salami buddy is.
...
Okay, I lost myself for a minute. Was that it? Did I just PROPERLY meditate? *Mental squeal* Cool!
...
I really need to stop. Okay. Focus. Breeeeeathhhee..... Slowwlyyy.... Innn... Ouuutt.... Iiiiinnnnn.... Ouuuutttt....
Okay, the thoughts are usually deeper than this. Honestly. No really. Valuable lesson learned: Don't meditate while you're hungry. Salami will haunt your Nirvana and harsh your mellow.
Jun 21, 2011
Are Summer Blues Really Blue?
That Middle Eastern Chick just finished her last day in a school where she spent around nine years of her school life. Needless to say, it has been a very emotional day. However, now that summer is OFFICIALLY here, all she can think of saying is "Now what...?" Such an anti-climax, innit?! To think about all those days during school when we'd moan about the woes of education and the cocktails of torturous pain we could put it's benefactors through... What a waste!
Middle Eastern Chick has realised that this cycle of painful longing, under-the-breath-cursing, relief, satisfaction and then, finally, clueless oblivion is a rather repetitive one. It happens every summer! Yet, we always fail to anticipate the next step! We're always so busy complaining about school, chores, work and projects that we manipulate the idea of summer in our minds to make it seem like the most FANTASTIC thing ever! We start planning the various things we want to do during summer, listing them endlessly, naively deluding ourselves into thinking that we WILL do them this summer even if we failed to do them in previous summers! What a hoot! HA! Just the thought of the mental list that Middle Eastern Chick made during the school year is a laugh!
"Write a book"... Was she being serious or was that the excess of information on pancreatic juices talking?
"Write a personal thesis on anthropology"... Nope, that was definitely the self-pity talking. ME Chick remembers the night she put this on her list. It was a dark, dark night, full of chocolate, cookies, self-hate and Scarlett Johansson.
"Star in a local movie and become a local celebrity"... What the...?
"Tutor kids for extra cash"... That didn't work out last summer for ME Chick... what makes her think it will work out THIS summer. A sudden burst of fairy dust? Ohh Tiiinker Beellll! She's waaaiiitinnng! YOOOHOOO!
The list is endless... and rather embarrassing.
So, Middle Eastern Chick is going to proof-read her whack-job list and edit it a tad bit. She'll probably chop off two-thirds and later complain of being bored during the summer. We humans can be such strange beings, can't we?
For all those who actually DO manage to check off every single little box on their summer check-list... Middle Eastern Chick calls your bluff. She challenges you. Meanwhile, she'll be off to enjoy her blissful oblivion and one-third of her summer check-list.
Middle Eastern Chick has realised that this cycle of painful longing, under-the-breath-cursing, relief, satisfaction and then, finally, clueless oblivion is a rather repetitive one. It happens every summer! Yet, we always fail to anticipate the next step! We're always so busy complaining about school, chores, work and projects that we manipulate the idea of summer in our minds to make it seem like the most FANTASTIC thing ever! We start planning the various things we want to do during summer, listing them endlessly, naively deluding ourselves into thinking that we WILL do them this summer even if we failed to do them in previous summers! What a hoot! HA! Just the thought of the mental list that Middle Eastern Chick made during the school year is a laugh!
"Write a book"... Was she being serious or was that the excess of information on pancreatic juices talking?
"Write a personal thesis on anthropology"... Nope, that was definitely the self-pity talking. ME Chick remembers the night she put this on her list. It was a dark, dark night, full of chocolate, cookies, self-hate and Scarlett Johansson.
"Star in a local movie and become a local celebrity"... What the...?
"Tutor kids for extra cash"... That didn't work out last summer for ME Chick... what makes her think it will work out THIS summer. A sudden burst of fairy dust? Ohh Tiiinker Beellll! She's waaaiiitinnng! YOOOHOOO!
The list is endless... and rather embarrassing.
So, Middle Eastern Chick is going to proof-read her whack-job list and edit it a tad bit. She'll probably chop off two-thirds and later complain of being bored during the summer. We humans can be such strange beings, can't we?
For all those who actually DO manage to check off every single little box on their summer check-list... Middle Eastern Chick calls your bluff. She challenges you. Meanwhile, she'll be off to enjoy her blissful oblivion and one-third of her summer check-list.
Jun 10, 2011
The Direction Convention. Right. No left. No wait... Right!
My mother made a very interesting observation a few days ago. She was asking her Filipina nurse for directions to the metro station when she realised that the ways in which people give directions are so specific to their nationalities. Now that I think about it, she is absolutely right!
The Middle East has an amalgamation of nationalities... Arab (not to mention all the different types of Arabs!), Indian, Pakistani, Filipino, South African, Nepalese, Chinese, Russian, Romanian, British, American, Malaysian... you name it! Naturally, living in such a diverse environment has changed the way people think around here. I realised only recently that, having lived here for most of my life, I'm used to being part of a society where it's perfectly normal to see an a room full of people from completely different backgrounds, to the point where being a room with people of only one nationality feels a bit strange. At the same time, I've realised that while I am accustomed to being part of such a varied society, there are many others who find it implausible that such different people can work, laugh, eat, joke and even just LIVE together in one place!
Now that I know exactly how different my environment is, I have learned to appreciate the differences between those around me. Not too long back, I never really focused on the differences between people of different nationalities living around me... however, now that I'm alert, many beautiful things have begun to shine from within those very people! It's like living in a place where all the hilarious quirks of people of different nationalities are squished together into one big comedic reality show!
Now, back to my mother's story... Here are our observations on the hilarious ways in which people of different nationalities give directions in the Middle East:
Arabs:
Large gesticulations along with loud, friendly and enthusiastic responses. I mostly hear this: "Seeda seeda seeda! Yasar! Seeeeeda!! Seeeeeeda! Yameen! BAS! BI'DHABT!!" (Translation: "Straight straight straight! Left! Strrraaaaaight! Strrraaaaaaaight! STOP! EXACTLY!")
I know this, because I've been there and I sometimes give directions exactly like this. Other times, I give directions like an Indian (because I've got a lot of Indian blood in me).
Indians:
Intense concentration on the question asked, and a sudden leap into directions using all the possible Banks, Sales and Promos along the way as landmarks. It goes something like this: "Hmm... Let me see. Oh! OKAY! Go straight and you'll see the 1/2 Dirham store on your right! Keep going straight until you see the Mashreq Bank and go left from there! Then, you'll see the big pink store with a huge "50% OFF" sign in the window! From there, go right and that's it! You're there!"
Have I given directions like these? Guilty. Have I followed directions like these and shopped till I dropped along the way? Happened so many times that I've lost count.
Filipinos:
They are the most jovial people out here. Always laughing, smiling, joking and eating. That's probably why all their directions involve food joints and restaurants. "Okay... Just walk until you see the Tandoori Chicken Palace and cross the road from there. Then, walk straight until you reach the Asian Wok. From there, go left. You'll see a big mall straight ahead and see the Delhi Darbar. Just walk a little further and you'll see the Meat House. It's right next to the Meat House."
I love Filipinos, but I try my best not to ask them for directions. They always leave me feeling so damn hungry!
Chinese:
It's all about the technology. 'Nuff said. "Go to the Plug Ins Store and drive until you see Ace Hardware. From there, just go left until you see the Apple Store. That's it."
American:
I can never understand their directions... Possibly because in the USA, it's really easy to give directions using street names and coordinates since they have the grid system. Out here, you try using street names and people will look at you like you just popped in from Mars. It's something like this:
Taxi driver: "Where to, sir?"
American passenger: "Building number 11, street number 13B, Al Muwaihat road, Abu Dhabi"
What the Taxi driver heard: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - BLAH BLAH BLAH - BLAH - Abu Dhabi"
Yeah... we don't do street names out here unless they're the highway names. If you're American and planning to visit the Middle East, keep your eyes peeled on the road for as many large landmarks as possible... because that's how you'll be giving directions. So, the American Passenger should have said something like this:
"Abu Dhabi, near the Reef Mall, opposite the Radisson." Easy.
Living in the Middle East has made me pick up on all these little traits (except for the American road naming... that just doesn't go down with people out here) without even realising it! It's quite possibly the best thing in the world to realise that you live in a diverse community and you've got a little bit of every culture in you. I feel like a real child of the world ;)
The Middle East has an amalgamation of nationalities... Arab (not to mention all the different types of Arabs!), Indian, Pakistani, Filipino, South African, Nepalese, Chinese, Russian, Romanian, British, American, Malaysian... you name it! Naturally, living in such a diverse environment has changed the way people think around here. I realised only recently that, having lived here for most of my life, I'm used to being part of a society where it's perfectly normal to see an a room full of people from completely different backgrounds, to the point where being a room with people of only one nationality feels a bit strange. At the same time, I've realised that while I am accustomed to being part of such a varied society, there are many others who find it implausible that such different people can work, laugh, eat, joke and even just LIVE together in one place!
Now that I know exactly how different my environment is, I have learned to appreciate the differences between those around me. Not too long back, I never really focused on the differences between people of different nationalities living around me... however, now that I'm alert, many beautiful things have begun to shine from within those very people! It's like living in a place where all the hilarious quirks of people of different nationalities are squished together into one big comedic reality show!
Now, back to my mother's story... Here are our observations on the hilarious ways in which people of different nationalities give directions in the Middle East:
Arabs:
Large gesticulations along with loud, friendly and enthusiastic responses. I mostly hear this: "Seeda seeda seeda! Yasar! Seeeeeda!! Seeeeeeda! Yameen! BAS! BI'DHABT!!" (Translation: "Straight straight straight! Left! Strrraaaaaight! Strrraaaaaaaight! STOP! EXACTLY!")
I know this, because I've been there and I sometimes give directions exactly like this. Other times, I give directions like an Indian (because I've got a lot of Indian blood in me).
Indians:
Intense concentration on the question asked, and a sudden leap into directions using all the possible Banks, Sales and Promos along the way as landmarks. It goes something like this: "Hmm... Let me see. Oh! OKAY! Go straight and you'll see the 1/2 Dirham store on your right! Keep going straight until you see the Mashreq Bank and go left from there! Then, you'll see the big pink store with a huge "50% OFF" sign in the window! From there, go right and that's it! You're there!"
Have I given directions like these? Guilty. Have I followed directions like these and shopped till I dropped along the way? Happened so many times that I've lost count.
Filipinos:
They are the most jovial people out here. Always laughing, smiling, joking and eating. That's probably why all their directions involve food joints and restaurants. "Okay... Just walk until you see the Tandoori Chicken Palace and cross the road from there. Then, walk straight until you reach the Asian Wok. From there, go left. You'll see a big mall straight ahead and see the Delhi Darbar. Just walk a little further and you'll see the Meat House. It's right next to the Meat House."
I love Filipinos, but I try my best not to ask them for directions. They always leave me feeling so damn hungry!
Chinese:
It's all about the technology. 'Nuff said. "Go to the Plug Ins Store and drive until you see Ace Hardware. From there, just go left until you see the Apple Store. That's it."
American:
I can never understand their directions... Possibly because in the USA, it's really easy to give directions using street names and coordinates since they have the grid system. Out here, you try using street names and people will look at you like you just popped in from Mars. It's something like this:
Taxi driver: "Where to, sir?"
American passenger: "Building number 11, street number 13B, Al Muwaihat road, Abu Dhabi"
What the Taxi driver heard: "BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - BLAH BLAH BLAH - BLAH - Abu Dhabi"
Yeah... we don't do street names out here unless they're the highway names. If you're American and planning to visit the Middle East, keep your eyes peeled on the road for as many large landmarks as possible... because that's how you'll be giving directions. So, the American Passenger should have said something like this:
"Abu Dhabi, near the Reef Mall, opposite the Radisson." Easy.
Living in the Middle East has made me pick up on all these little traits (except for the American road naming... that just doesn't go down with people out here) without even realising it! It's quite possibly the best thing in the world to realise that you live in a diverse community and you've got a little bit of every culture in you. I feel like a real child of the world ;)
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