The thought that any of us ever look back at these resolutions and REALLY bother to stick to them is laughable. It’s as hypocritical as people who say they love/hate Harry Potter and haven’t actually read the books.
1) I will not spend more than a couple of hours a day on Tumblr or Facebook.
…AHAHAHAHAHA!! Yeah. Sure.
2) I will complete ALL my assignments three days before they’re actually due!
Oh, don’t even go there. I tried it. It lasted for about… one day? What did I do with all that wasted time, you ask? INTERNET!
Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.
3) I will not chase after the opposite gender. I will concentrate on more productive things and let them chase me.
Guaranteed outcomes:
a)You’re still at the New Year party and exactly two minutes after making your truly sincere resolution, you spot a cute guy/girl and make a bee-line for him/her while at the same time constructing a non-existent resolution rule to calm your guilt-wrenched guts. E.g: “Everybody knows that New Years resolutions have a one day grace period where you can just enjoy the last of whatever it is you won’t be doing for the next one year… right?”
b)You end up sticking to your resolution. This has its dangers… you will most probably become more promiscuous than ever due to the chronic lack of interaction with the opposite sex. So, basically, you go from nun to hoe.
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